Box 18

All eyes are focused on the TV as the racers enter the final lap. Controllers in hand, the drivers stare intensely at the artificial actions taking place on the television set. Playing video games always requires one to focus on a screen whether it be a computer monitor or a TV. The screen is the focal point of this activity. The television is the visual representation of the actions taking place in the imaginary video game world. Without the TV screen, there would be no point to playing the games at all. This big black box is also given a place of honor. Setting upon a stand or some elevated position, the TV is set in a place so that it is visible all who wish to see it. Obviously, this visual projecting box is very important.

Box 13

This is an Xbox 360 controller. The name pretty much says it all. This object is manipulated by the user to control whatever is happening onscreen. The controller is covered in buttons and joysticks. On the left there is a joystick and a directional pad and on the right there are four buttons with individual colors and letters along with another joystick. In the center is the "start" and "back" buttons with the large Xbox guide button. On the top there is a pair of triggers and another set of buttons.

The controller represents a gamer's interaction with the game. Without a controller, the Xbox 360 is entirely inaccessible to the user. This is an object that is very important to the subculture. Of course this isn't the first type of video gaming controller, but it does represent the latest in the gaming technology currently prevalent in today's society.

This object and identical ones just like it are spread across the globe because it is manufactured by the large company Microsoft. It does not tell us much about the company that created it. It also can't really tell us much about the person who uses it other than that they play video games. What type of games does the user play? There is no way to tell.

While not telling us much about individuals, this item gives us a good ideal in how those who use it interact with their hobby on a very basic and literal level. I chose this object, because it is one of the most simple insights into the subculture by showing us one of its most basic tools.

Fieldnotes

Watching Roommate play
Modern Warfare 2 online.

He gets killed by an enemy. I have to agree with him.
He responds with "I hate it when
people play this game in the cheapest
way possible."

His player respawns and begins using
a sniper rifle.

He looks pretty tense while playing. Concentrating I guess.

He talks to warns his team of an enemy Communication is pretty
hiding around a corner using the Xbox important
360 headset.

He gets killed by the enemy hiding around I would be angry too.
the corner. He responds with some
profanity.

He respawns and changes to a close range
class.

He goes back to the same spot to kill the Roommate seems to be pretty
enemy still hiding around the corner. He determined to avenge himself.
gets killed again by the same enemy. Anything to do witha hurt pride?

My roommate complains about People who use cheap tactics
"campers" in the game. to win, like staying in the same
place and waiting for enemies,
are frowned upon.

An insight to my personality type

Through an intuitive process, I've come to learn that I am an introvert when it comes to social situations. According to Ellen Lucas, a counselor at Ball State University, "introverts are normally pretty quiet, but probably have something to say if you ask them directly (Lucas)." I think that describes me well. I'm a pretty quiet person but I am very quick to engage in friendly conversation if someone else approaches me. This could make my research a little difficult as I will be dealing with social situations and beginning all the conversations. I will definitely have to overcome my general silence if I want this project to be successful.

Lucas, Ellen. Class Lecture. 4 February 2010.

Grace Fahrbach Peer Review

Your Name: William Bohn

Writer’s Name: Grace Fahrbach

Does the writer state a thesis at the end of the first paragraph that explains why s/he wants to study a particular subculture and does s/he make a claim about how his or her view of that subculture has been formed? If you can’t find a thesis point this out here.

If you can find a thesis, rewrite the thesis here:

“I understand why people use Facebook and I don’t think who I am will affect the way I see this group, although looking at pictures and more into conversations I may have to keep an open mind about that.

Does the thesis make an argument that a reasonable person could disagree with? If yes, what? If no, suggest a thesis based on the paper.

No: “Facebook seems to be taking over other forms of communication.”

What subculture is named in the paper?

The Facebook community

Could the thesis need to be more concise or more complex?

It must be a little more concise. I’m not even sure what the second part of the sentence means.

Is the thesis specific enough to have meaning? Make a suggestion that pushes the language towards more specific meaning:

Make a debatable observation about Facebook. Make an accusation about it.

How does the essay address the writer’s fixed position in connection with his or her potential subculture? Quote from the paper to explain.

She answers the question pretty directly. “I don’t see these fixed positions affecting my fieldwork.”

What does the writing tell you about this student’s subjective position? Quote from the paper to explain.

She seems to have a negative attitude towards the program. “I have had Facebook since eighth grad and I still don’t understand why people love it so much.

What does the writing tell you about this student’s textual position?

Quote from the paper to explain.

She is against certain aspects of the Facebook community. “I am not biased towards Facebook but I do feel as if people totally put themselves out there on the internet…”

Does the essay seem like a story or does it seem too formal? Suggest where narrative elements might serve as good examples.

It has a nice balance with some mentions of family members joining and the overall user base of Facebook.

Does each paragraph seem to be an appropriate length, with only one main idea per paragraph? If not, what specific suggestions do you have to make this paper better organized?

Some of the paragraphs are too long. Second paragraph can be broken in to two separate paragraphs about fixed positions and one about question about her family members.

What suggestions do you have to make the content of this paper better?

Take out the fluff. i.e. “I am really excited to start studying this subculture”

What do you think the strength of this paper is?

Her personal experiences with the facebook community.

What are the weaknesses?

Not enough opinion, its mostly facts.

What’s missing?

Her opinions on many of the subjects she writes about.

What’s unnecessary?

“I am really excited to start studying this subculture”

Mark on the manuscript any important grammar/spelling mistakes.

Fill out the following chart, adding your comments about each component.

CRITERIA

READER'S COMMENTS

Weak Satisf. Strong

__w___ _____ _____ Thesis: clear, important, risky

Comments:

_____ __sa___ _____ Evidence: relevance, strength, credibility

Comments:

_____ __sa___ _____ Organization: arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader

Comments:

__w___ _____ _____ Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation

Comments:

_____ __sa___ _____ Overall effectiveness: Was the relationship between the author’s background and their subculture clear? Were you convinced of the effects?

Comments: I know she wanted to take out some of the more personal elements, but I would suggest just watering them down a bit and not taking them out completely.

Hannah DeLaughter Peer Review

Your Name: William Bohn

Writer’s Name: Hannah DeLaughter

Does the writer state a thesis at the end of the first paragraph that explains why s/he wants to study a particular subculture and does s/he make a claim about how his or her view of that subculture has been formed? If you can’t find a thesis point this out here.

If you can find a thesis, rewrite the thesis here:

I thought that if I researched more of the subculture I thought I might become interested in this graceful, yet energetic culture.

Does the thesis make an argument that a reasonable person could disagree with? If yes, what? If no, suggest a thesis based on the paper.

Not really, this thesis does not pose an arguable belief about the subculture. I would suggest something along the lines of : “The art of dancing is consider mostly a female organization as men are held to stereotypes by society.”

What subculture is named in the paper?

Dancers

Could the thesis need to be more concise or more complex?

It needs to say something about the subculture.

Is the thesis specific enough to have meaning? Make a suggestion that pushes the language towards more specific meaning:

It could say something about the stereotypes held about dancers or mention the long history of artistic dancing.

How does the essay address the writer’s fixed position in connection with his or her potential subculture? Quote from the paper to explain.

Because she is female and young, she thinks that she will have a different opinion of the subculture than if she were not female and young. “All in all, I really think that my personal fixed influences will have a huge influence on my fieldwork”

What does the writing tell you about this student’s subjective position? Quote from the paper to explain.

She has been involved in dance before and therefore has a slight insider view.

What does the writing tell you about this student’s textual position?

Quote from the paper to explain.

She likes the subculture but does not like its exclusiveness to women. “…men should be allowed to dance if they really enjoy it…”

Does the essay seem like a story or does it seem too formal? Suggest where narrative elements might serve as good examples.

It’s in between/has a good balance. She tells a little about her own life, “My mother was a dancer and I still see her passion…” and a little about the big picture, “…that is a problem in our society now because men should be allowed to dance…”

Does each paragraph seem to be an appropriate length, with only one main idea per paragraph? If not, what specific suggestions do you have to make this paper better organized?

Yes, she has a separate paragraph for fixed positions and stereotypes.

What suggestions do you have to make the content of this paper better?

I’d like to hear more about her past history with dancing. She could be a little more specific about the stereotypes and probably add some personal experiences with these stereotypes.

What do you think the strength of this paper is?

Showing the stereotypes in this subculture

What are the weaknesses?

There isn’t much about her history with the subculture

What’s missing?

Personal input

What’s unnecessary?

Stating that it will be “fun and entertaining” to study this subculture

Mark on the manuscript any important grammar/spelling mistakes.

Fill out the following chart, adding your comments about each component.

CRITERIA

READER'S COMMENTS

Weak Satisf. Strong

__w___ _____ _____ Thesis: clear, important, risky

Comments:

_____ ___s__ _____ Evidence: relevance, strength, credibility

Comments:

_____ ___s__ _____ Organization: arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader

Comments:

_____ __s___ _____ Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation

Comments:

_____ __s___ _____ Overall effectiveness: Was the relationship between the author’s background and their subculture clear? Were you convinced of the effects?

Comments: There isn’t enough personal input in the paper